Double Rolls

I have a toilet paper question. 

I know that sounds weird, and you have probably not heard many "TP" questions over the course of your lifetime, but there is always a first for everything.

Why the fuck do they call them "Double Rolls" of bathroom tissue?

Does anyone buy "Single Rolls" anymore? Like is there some guy that is shopping somewhere and says "Fuck the 12 big rolls... I want 24 that are half the size, so I can change the roll more often.

It is still one roll of toilet paper. What a stupid marketing scheme. Call it a jumbo roll. A large roll. A bigger roll.  You can't CALL it a "Double Roll"!!

Its not two rolls. It's one. A big one. 

Now you may be saying "Yes, but what about the *Double* Cheeseburger?"

Well.. that IS a double cheseburger. It has 2 "burger" patties. Double the patties.

"But Toast, that's the same as double the TP!"

NO ITS NOT!  ITS ONE ROLL!!!!   IT IS "A" ROLL OF TOILET PAPER, Regardless of the fact that it has more tp than the previous version.

And furthermore, buying "Single" rolls wouldn't make any sense storage wise. Where do you put 24 rolls of god damned TP???

-Toast.

The Stranger

Ok... So I had to go do my daily bank run today. I'm getting out of my car, and this guy... this... fucking GUYYY stops me and says.. and I quote: "You knowwww...you really should keep your car clean, being black and all, because the road dirt will really mess up your clear coat..Make it look grey."

I reply..."Wait a minute... what did you just say?"

He says: "I said.. you should.." (I cut him off)

"I know what you said, I just wanted to make sure that the king of all that is acceptable was really talking to such a humble servant of his kingdom directly."

People need to mind their own business.

To All The Bigots / Haters / Racists

Well... here we go... I KNOW Im going to get ripped on for this.........

To all you racists, homophobes, right-wing extremists, and pretty much every hate group out there:

These next comments will blow your mind, change your life, and hopefully make you think.

To the racists:

There is a good chance that:

-Your clothes you wear... yeah.. the ones on your back... were either made by, exported by, handled by, or sold to you by Asian descendents. Better start growing your own cotton, hypocrite.

-Many of the Largest corporations in the world have an african american/ black chairman/vp/president heading the company. Better stop buying stuff.

Some of the inventions/achievements of African-Americans:

-Dr. Charles Drew: Inventor of Blood Banks

-Thomas J. Martin: Inventor of the fire extinguisher

-Alexander Miles: The closed-door elevator system we use today

-Andrew Beard: The couplers that connect train cars when they are bumped into each other (still used today)

-John Love: The pencil sharpener

-L.P. Ray: The Dustpan

-Henry Brown: Cash Register

-The banjo, a down-south "hilbilly" instrument, originated in Africa

-Quincy Jones has won more Grammys than ANY other record producer. 

To the homophobes:

There is a good chance that:

-One of your favorite TV show stars or co-stars a gay, lesbian, or bi-sexual actor/actress;

-The music you like probably has a pretty large gay fanbase.

-1 out of 5 people are gay/lesbian/bi

-Some of the greatest works of art, architecture, clothing lines, and marvels of the modern world were headed by homosexuals.

Some famous homosexuals:

Pedro Aldomovar, filmmaker
Alexander the Great, conqueror
Hans Christian Andersen, writer
Marshall Applewhite, cult guru
Joan Armatrading, singer
Sir Robert Baden-Powell, founder of the Boy Scouts
Joan Baez, singer
Sandra Bernhard, actor
Mr. Blackwell,  fashion critic
Dirk Bogarde, actor
Chastity Bono, daughter of Sonny Bono and Cher
David Bowie, musician [bisexual]
Marlon Brando, actor [heteroflexible]
Susie Bright, sexpert
John Brunner, science fiction author
William S. Burroughs, writer
Julius Caesar, caesar
Truman Capote, writer
Marilyn Chambers, actor
Traci Chapman, singer
Mary Cheney, daughter of Vice President Dick Cheney
Margaret Cho, comic [heteroflexible]
Montgomery Clift, actor
Kurt Cobain, singer [bisexual]
James Coco, actor
Roy Cohn, Joseph McCarthy's henchman, Mob attorney

Colette, writer [bisexual]
Hart Crane, poet [bisexual]
James Dean, actor [bisexual]
Ellen DeGeneres, actor
Emily Dickinson, poet
Divine, actor
Matt Drudge, columnist
Andrea Dworkin, feminist 
Brian Epstein, managed The Beatles
Sergei Esenin, poet [bisexual]
Melissa Etheridge, singer
Rupert Everett, actor
Harvey Fierstein, actor
Malcolm Forbes, businessman [bisexual]
Jodi Foster, actor
Barney Frank, congressman from Massachusetts
David Geffen, Geffen Records [bisexual?]
Jean Genet, felonious playwright
Boy George, singer
Sir John Gielgud, actor
Allen Ginsberg, poet
Cary Grant, actor [bisexual]
Merv Griffin, television mogul
Hadrian, Roman Emperor
Rob Halford, singer, Judas Priest
Keith Haring, artist
Nina Hartley, actor [bisexual]
Todd Haynes, filmmaker
Anne Heche, actor [bisexual]
Doug Henning, magician [if not gay, downgrade to fabulous]
Pee-wee Herman, actor
David Hockney, artist
John Holmes, porn actor [bisexual]
J. Edgar Hoover, longtime head of the FBI.
Rock Hudson, actor
Javed Iqbal, hunter of street urchins
Elton John, musician
Jasper Johns, artist
Jim Jones, cult guru [bisexual]
Billie Jean King, tennis player
K.D. Lang, singer
Charles Laughton, actor
Ralph Lauren, fashion designer
Ursula LeGuin, author
Leonardo da Vinci, genius
Liberace, pianist
Greg Louganis, Olympic diver
Paul Lynde, Hollywood Square
Robert Mapplethorpe, photographer
W. Somerset Maugham, writer [bisexual]
Armistead Maupin, writer
Joseph McCarthy, Senator and persecutor
Sir Ian McKellen, actor
Freddie Mercury, singer, Queen.
George Michael, singer
Michaelangelo, Renaissance man
Harvey Milk, gay rights activist and martyr
Morrissey, singer
Martina Navratilova, tennis player
Sir Isaac Newton, scientist and celibate homo
Sinead O'Connor, singer
Rosie O'Donnell, talk show host
Joe Orton, playwright
Camille Paglia, author
Gilles de Rais, nobleman
Charles Nelson Riley, actor
Rimbaud, poet
Cesar Romero, actor
Eleanor Roosevelt, first lady of Franklin D. Roosevelt [bisexual]
RuPaul, drag queen
Sappho, poet
Dick Sargent, second Darrin on Bewitched
Dan Savage, advice columnist
Matthew Shepard, martyr
Siegfried and Roy, magicians
Richard Simmons, fitness guru
Socrates, philosopher [bisexual]
Annie Sprinkle, sexpert
Gertrude Stein, author
Jeff Stryker, actor
Andrew Sullivan, conservative gay columnist, barebacker
Pëtr Ilich Tchaikovsky, composer
Scott Thompson, comic
Billy Tipton, jazz musician, lifelong male impersonator
Andrew Tobias, writer
Alice B. Toklas, cookbook author
Lily Tomlin, actor
Pete Townshend, The Who [bisexual]
Alan Turing, genius
Gus Van Sant, filmmaker
Versace, fashion designer
Gore Vidal, writer
Bruce Vilanch, joke writer
Andy Warhol, artist [bisexual]
John Waters, filmmaker
Oscar Wilde, writer
Tennessee Williams, playwright

Stop hating and get on with your life, you losers.

-Toast

Snow. What The Fuck?

So... snow is beautiful.  It makes everything just look THAT much Christmasier (sic) and just has that certain "je ne sais quois" to it. 

Well fuck that. I drive. As a person that commutes to and from work, and pays his taxes, I'd like to just say that our local government has really fucked the dog during this dump of white shit.

26 cm of snow, and I've seen 2 sand trucks (no salt) and a plow. But what REALLY gets me is the fact that they plow the main roads... and nothing else! Sure, the highway is clear as a bottle of water, but to get to it, you need snowshoes and a pack of dogs.

Why do I pay my taxes?? I shouldn't HAVE to own a 4x4 to get groceries for less than a foot of snow. It's ridiculous. I have lived in Edmonton, Prince George, Houston, BC, Smithers, BC, Terrace.... I have NEVER had so much trouble getting around in my car.  And what's worse is no-one else seems to see the problem with driving 70 km/h in a snow drift in a Saturn. 

I have an idea.... Everyone has heard of geothermal heat, right???  All roads from now on should be equipped with a series of pads made of steel and pipes drilled down to access geothermal heat, so that the road surface never drops below 8 degrees Celsius. Snow would never stick to it, therefore SAVING money in the long run on sand, salt trucks, plows, and other needless things that not only cost money, but cause damage to the environment. 

I am NOT dreaming of a white Christmas. I'm living it.  This is my Nightmare. 

-Toast

NOODLE ON MY ARM!

Why can't people just chew with their fucking mouths closed?  Is it really that hard to hold off on telling me your excellent news about your totally bodacious day for like 30 seconds? Or is it just out of necessity/habit that you scream-laugh into MY food while I am TRYING to enjoy my lunch/dinner with you? 

Hang on... breaking news:

WE ARE AT THE SAME TABLE

Im not going to get up and leave right at that precise moment that you have stopped chewing and can FINALLY tell me that story that I can obviously see you are holding back on so you can slide your gruel down your gullet. You have given me the "Oooh! I have to tell you something!" motion with your index finger... you know... the "Number 1" symbol, but with an up-and-down jiggly motion?

Ya. I know what that means. STOP BATHING ME IN YOUR MEAL.

I like sushi as much as the next guy, but this isn't a day spa, and I don't need a kelp bath.

Close your mouth. Chew. Relax. Enjoy. Shut the fuck up.

-Toast

"Blackbird" Browser by Mozilla

Mozilla has helped develop a new browser codenamed "Blackbird" and a beta version has been released online. I have not posted a link for this browser because all in all, I disagree completely with its whole premise.

The concept of this browser is "A browser for the African-American Public."

No one else. Just African Americans. This means that in all its entirety, there is nothing on this browser of interest to anyone who isn't black. All of the bookmarks, the quicklinks, the search engine, and even the color scheme is Black-oriented.

I am appalled, utterly disgusted, and outraged by this. How dare a company (owned and operated by African-Americans) allow their premiere product to be so racist, and anti-caucasian and not even realize it?

What if a company that was made up of all-white people decided to release a browser called "Whiteboard" and it was "Only for Anglo-Saxon / Caucasian People"???

Would that be acceptable? Would it be right?  I highly doubt the majority of the public would openly accept such a concept, so why is it ok to do the Blackbird browser???

Racism comes from many angles. This one is sharp.

-Toast.