"You Have Got to Be Kidding Me"

sometimes people say really stupid shit and they don't even realize it. They probably won't realize it until they get home, sit down on the couch, put their feet up, flip on the TV and get relaxed. Then all of a sudden their eyes will get wide and their first reaction will be to call you to try and remedy what they've just said out of sheer stupidity. People nowadays really need to give their heads a shake and wake up to what's going on around them. 

There is a lot of crazy shit going on right now in the world. The world, not your world. No one gives a fuck about your stupid fundraising campaign for your kid's soccer team, or where you go to get your nails done, or where you got your cell phone, or anything else  ridiculously material and shallow. 

Your kids love soccer. That's great. There are people down the street that would love to eat too but they can't do that whenever they feel like it.  I don't think I could justify going out and buying a box of oranges to cut into slices for my kids to eat their soccer game when I know that that box of oranges could go to 30 people that probably haven't eaten in a month.

I just think about these things sometimes and wonder if I'm doing enough with my life to help other people to my greatest ability. I understand that not all homeless people are needy, but everyone needs to eat. We all take advantage of the fact that we have food readily available. Case in point: have you ever sat around your house, felt hungry, so you went and searched the cupboards for something to eat and said to yourself: " there is nothing to eat!"?

Think about that for a second. Do you know how many people would kill to have just one of those things that you have in your cupboard?

I'm not saying that I'm a saint and that I dedicate my time to helping homeless people, and I am not trying to guilt trip anyone. I am simply bringing to light a fact that we take advantage of every day. 

I am bringing all this up because the state of our economy is dire. People are losing their jobs which not only slows production, but slows the cash flow in and out of small businesses locally and nationally, which hurts us all. Someone actually had the balls to ask me if I could donate money towards their child's soccer team. Not only that, but she was driving a $60,000 car.

How do you grow the balls to walk up to someone on the street that you have never met, and ask them for money  when they just saw you exit your Mercedes-Benz? Balls of steel my friend, balls of steel.

The best thing that the government could do, and I mean this whole heartedly, is to get everyone in Canada that works or collects welfare to donate a Toonie from every paycheck for the next six months, and all of that money would be used for affordable housing  projects in Vancouver, Edmonton, Calgary, Winnipeg, Toronto, Montréal... and to fill the food banks attached to those housing projects. Also, the government needs to issue a new system with the welfare distribution. If you apply for welfare, you must pass a drug test, and post a resume on Workopolis/monster.com for general labor duties. I literally cannot believe the lineups outside the welfare office every second Wednesday. Some of the people standing in the lineup I actually recognize, just from the sheer fact of seeing them there all the time. If you have been on welfare for a year, and haven't gained a job, even at McDonald's, you are pretty much useless to society. If you go to work everyday and wonder where your tax dollars are going.... you are looking at it, pal.  Standing in that lineup rubbing their hands together, thinking" free money!"

Also, I am not racist by any means, but people that move to this country and have been here for years really need to learn the God damned language of their new home. I don't understand how you could live in a country full time for years, and not know of for a freaking word of the language. I'm not exaggerating, and I'm not being racist. Everyone has met someone that gives them the blank stare when you ask them a question, and you know that it's because they have no idea what you're talking about. And these are people that run businesses, look after our children, work in food processing plants, work in the medical fields, and other scary things like that where you should know the native language.

Imagine, the whole time someone from another country is in an orientation for a job, they nod their head in agreement, signed a piece of paper, and are put out on the production floor... now imagine that it is a food processing plant, and they have just not understood the words "wash your hands regularly". Imagine that. Think about that one for a minute.

I know for a fact that if I move to a foreign country full-time for work, family, or any other reason... I know I would have to learn the language to survive.  I'm not talking about the people with thick accents and dialects, or the tourists that are just trying to have that "great vacation" in a country they've never been to. I'm talking about the people that live here in this country, and have made it their home. Their refuge. Their place of prosper... and have absolutely no fucking clue what you're talking about when you ask them a simple question. It is insanely frustrating to know that these people are allowed to drive a motor vehicle, which by the way kill people, but they can't tell you where the closest washroom is.

Just to clear things up, I am proud that this country is so diverse in its ethnicities, and that we have developed a society that is almost totally accepting of people regardless of their race, nationality, or religious preference. But please, people: if you are going to move somewhere, please make an effort to understand basic linguistics.

Another thing I want to talk about is the government stating that we need to crack down on gun laws/gang wars in the greater metropolitan areas.  I have a better solution: train your border guards to find shit before it comes into our country. If the government honestly believes, and I know for a fact it's not true - don't ask, that the guns are local, the drugs are local, the gangs are local, and that this is all new... they need to really give their heads a shake. The smuggling trade between Canada and the US has been going on for literally 100 years. The government is worried about grow ops, but what they should be worrying about is who is on whose payroll at the border. Think about how much money the government could be making off of taxing marijuana if people are smoking it illegally already. Imagine if there was marijuana vending machines just like the old cigarette machines. All proceeds taxable.

I honestly believe that the old saying " guns don't kill people, people kill people." But,  To be fair, handguns have no place in the world except at a shooting range. All the gun nuts say they need handguns to protect themselves. But what are they protecting ourselves from? Other idiots with handguns. it's a vicious cycle that needs to be ended.  A great way to end gang activity is to get rid of the glamour.  What do you think would happen if drugs were legal and taxable and controlled by the government? The drugrunners would have no market. No one wants to buy dirty drugs, right? Pharmaceutical grade marijuana over the counter, no prescription necessary but you got a tax.

That's about all I needed to get off my chest, and this post went longer than expected. If you don't like it, stop reading.

Yours Truly,

-toast.

These Things Always Happen to Me

 I stepped into my building's elevator the other night at like 2 am with an Asian man who was carrying a plastic bag, tied at the top, receipt hanging off of it. Without thinking I said, "Oooh, are you still delivering this late?" His response, "I live here." Fuck.

I tried helping an old lady with her groceries. When I asked if she needed help she smiled at me and nodded. When I took one of her bags she flipped out. Apparently she was deaf. 

I once  meant to forward an email to my friend mocking a coworker's email, but I hit "reply" instead of "forward".

A co-worker had to leave work early and on his way out all I said was "have fun". He was leaving for a funeral, unbeknownst to me.

I've sprayed hair spray under my arms instead of deodorant.  I didn't realize it until I went to put my shirt on and couldn't raise my arms.

I went to get a scratch off ticket, and the dude in front of me got the same kind I was going to get. He won 500 dollars. I got 2 bucks.

I got an email spam from Yahoo! Personals: "Hi, we've found 0 new matches for you".

I never park on the street. The one time I did, I found my car window vandalized when I came home from work. A paper on the seat read "That's for what you did to Hannah you fuck".  I don't,  and have never known a Hannah. The guy who had just traded in his car like mine for a truck was parked in front of me.

I stole one of my friend's chocolates  from the cupboard while he got ready to go out., after I ate it, I read the wrapper and realized that it was a chocolate laxative. 

I saw someone I knew on the street but he didn't see me, so as a joke I decided to call him. He took his phone out of his pocket, sighed and didn't pick up.

One morning I woke up late, didn't shave, didn't have time to iron my clothes, didn't eat breakfast and ran into the office with beads of sweat running down my face. Meeting was canceled. Didn't check text messages.